The One to Beat

There are 3 things I know:
1) cat pee is the purest form of Evil,
2) Jude Law a beautiful, beautiful man, and
3) there is no such thing as Perfect Chili.

However, that being said, I am relentless in my quest for the Holy Grail, the Chili of all Chilis, the one that tastes like autumn and football, which envelops the soul in warmth and which involves a committee of spices. Much like the search for the real Holy Grail (the one involving Jebus), the search for the Perfect Chili is unending because it is surrounded by myth, competition to find it is fierce, and even if you think you have it, you’re never sure that there isn’t a more authentic one out there.

Ergo, the Best Recipe, So Far is Boston Marathon Chili. And there’s a bit more to it than just this recipe: a woman from Melbourne, Fla. added a review of the chili and she suggested about 10 other ingredients not mentioned in the recipe. As with every good chili recipe, there are one million ingredients and the quantities of each vary between cooks and the day of the month and the phase of the moon. As a result, I can’t recall precisely what we did with this version but we followed pretty much all of the Florida Lady’s additions but none (or few?) or her reductions or eliminations. The product of all this fooling around with the instructions was truly outstanding.

Firstly, this chili is made with cubed beef and pork, not ground beef, and the difference in taste was quite remarkable; it also made for a more liquid-y chili but that just made it easier to sop it up with bread. Secondly, both chocolate and cinnamon were involved which added a subtle and very interesting divergence from the usual chili flavour. As well, it was good and spicy, but not so much that a little sour cream and cilantro on top couldn’t counter the heat. And talk about fantastic leftovers– this chili is definitely the one to beat. On the Continuum of Like, it earns a rating of ‘Super-Like’.

The Côtes-du-Rhône we drank was quite nice. It stood up to the richness of the chili and pulled out some of the cumin taste.

Sidebar: I have met the person responsible for, arguably, the WORST version of chili ever known to man. This person (who, obviously, shall remain nameless) is the mother-in-law of one of my dear friends, E.

For Christmas Day at her in-laws’ house, E. offered to make chili for the whole in-law family for a casual lunch. On Christmas Eve, she, along with the mother-in-law, stopped to pick up a few ingredients for lunch the next day. When E. started to pick out green peppers, onions, kidney beans, etc., the mother-in-law stopped her and said, “Oh no, you don’t need that, Dear.” E. assumed that this was because she already had all the ingredients at home and so all she ended up buying was ground beef.

The next day, E. went to the kitchen to start making the chili. However, she couldn’t find any of the ingredients she needed. The reason there were no ingredients is that her mother-in-law’s version of chili is nothing, NOTHING, like any other chili on earth. The recipe? Ground beef, cooked, not drained. Ketchup. One can of Libby’s beans. No salt, no pepper, not even any chili powder (seems a bit odd given that the name of the stew is the same as the spice).

P.S. I didn’t realize how many things Jebus and chili have in common: their perfection is elusive, they both involve taking of bread and they both have been said to warm the soul. In fact, except for the bread, the same could be said of Jude Law. Weird.

P.P.S. That observation was TOTALLY sacrilicious.

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